Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the act of excusing a mistake or an offense. The compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive. The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning or failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness. Forgiveness is different from excusing or not holding the offender as responsible for the action. Forgiveness is different from forgetting or removing awareness of the offense from consciousness. Forgiveness is different from pardoning granted by a representative of society, such as a judge. Forgiveness is different from reconciliation or the restoration of a relationship.



Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations. The action of making one view or belief compatible with another. Reconciliation in theology is the end of the estrangement, caused by original sin, between God and humanity. Apologizing and saying you're sorry.

Absolution of sins forgives mortal sins. And if one does not commit a mortal sin after having been validly absolved, enables one to die in the "state of grace", able to eventually enter heaven); but it also allows the valid and non-sinful reception of the sacraments (especially the Eucharist at Mass), the lawful exercise of ecclesiastical offices and ministries by laity or clerics, and full participation in the life of the Church.

Leniency - Clemency - Mercy - Pardon - Amnesty - Patience - Prisons

Condonation or condonance may be made when an accuser has previously forgiven or condoned (in some way or at some level supported) the act about which they are complaining. In some legal jurisdictions, and for certain behaviors, it may prevent the accuser from prevailing. The Forgiveness Project.

Atonement in Judaism is the process of causing a transgression to be forgiven or pardoned.

To Forgive someone is to relieve yourself of all the negative thinking that is generated by that painful memory. No more wasting time with Sorrow, Anger or Blaming, or Grudges, Hate or Revenge, it's time to move on. To forgive yourself is to stop being discouraged by your mistakes. Everyone Makes Mistakes. But you need to make the changes that you believe will stop the mistakes from repeating, and then move on. Don't judge people so much for the stupid things they said or did, more importantly, see people for the smart things they do now and say now. If someone hasn't changed or improved morally, then it is most likely that they have not yet learned how to improve, or learned how to love.

What comes after tragedy? Forgiveness: Azim Khamisa and Ples Felix (video and text).

I Apologize - I'm Sorry

Sorry is a mistake you feel bad about making. A feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone. Having a conscience.

Saying that you're Sorry (kids health)

Apologize is to let a person know that you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. To acknowledge faults or shortcomings or failing.

How to Apologize - Apologize (wiki how)

Repentance (regret) - Remorse

Public Apology is an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.  An effective public apology needs to do three things, express regret, react to the situation, and reassure people that it will not happen again. 1: Express regret in a genuine way. That means not hiding behind evasive language such as "I'm sorry if some people might have been offended by how some of my remarks were reported in some quarters". You would not apologize to a loved one like that, so why would that type of response cut any ice with the wider public? 2: React to the situation for which you are apologizing. That means putting right whatever you have done wrong as quickly as possible. Again, with bad apologies you often hear people express regret but then not provide any follow-up detail on how things have changed since the thing they are apologizing for happened. 3: Reassure people that you will not do again whatever it is that you are apologizing for. In other words, you need to stress that you have learnt your lesson. Don't Blame others.

Public Speaking

Amends is to compensate for loss or injury. Something done or paid in expiation of a wrong. To make better

Atone is to make amends for, Turn away from sin or do penitence.

I Take it Back means that you admit that you were wrong about something that you said, and you would like to withdraw that comment because it was inappropriate or inaccurate.

I did not mean what I said because I did not know what I meant when I said it. I did not think it through. I f*cked up and made a mistake and I made an error in judgment. Please forgive me. Please don't hold it against me. Retraction.

"Saying sorry doesn't mean a thing when you don't change your actions or learn from your mistakes."

"Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong and the other person is right, it means that you value your relationship more then your ego."

You don't want to feel sorry for someone. It's better to understand someone and adapt to their style of thinking and communicating. Feeling sorry for someone does not help them or does it improve communication. Adapting is not accepting, adapting is keeping the lines of communication open so that a person can have a chance to adapt to your style of communicating. Then eventually, you can have a real conversation and not feel divided. Don't feel sorry for yourself.

I would rather care about people and help people and understand people, instead of just feeling sorry for people. Just feeling sorry for people does very little for the people in need. Empathy is almost useless if no actions are taken to help the people you are empathizing with. Small steps continually made can solve any problem.

When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself. When you can see the bad in others, you should be able to see the bad in yourself. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right. When someone treats you badly do not take Revenge or get even or get back at someone by repeating the same ignorant behavior. This kind of action usually makes things worse and seldom teaches the other person about how hurtful or how damaging their actions were. Plus this kind of revenge can have a negative affect and make you look like the guilty one. A thorough communication is needed to explain why this action was inappropriate and why you take offence. Do not look for an Apology or seek Forgiveness, only except it when given. Just make the person understand that you are aware of this inappropriate behavior and that you do not appreciate it's implications or its timing.

When assessing the moral character of others, people cling to good impressions but readily adjust their opinions about those who have behaved badly, according to new research. This flexibility in judging transgressors might help explain both how humans forgive and why they sometimes stay in bad relationships. Because people sometimes behave badly by accident, we need to be able to update bad impressions that turn out to be mistaken. Otherwise, we might end relationships prematurely and miss out on the many benefits of social connection. We are predisposed to forgive and have a basic predisposition towards giving others, even strangers, the benefit of the doubt. The human mind is built for maintaining social relationships, even when partners sometimes behave badly.

Ego is an inflated feeling of pride in your perceived superiority to others.

"Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right." - Cognitive Distortion

Why do they Glorify Revenge in movies, knowing that it encourages hatred and anger?

Due Diligence and justice is much more effective in correcting a perceived wrong.

"People have problems, but it's not their fault, this is what happens to people when there's too much abuse and not enough care."

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes

Love is the Way

Love communicates much more effectively, but only if the love you're expressing is honest and accurate. Sometimes anger and emotion can also be effective in communicating, but only if it's honest and accurate, and only, if you immediately follow your outburst with a message of love and understanding, never end with anger. If you want to solve a problem, you must learn to communicate your ideas effectively, you must use the most effective methods of communication, and use the most effective methods of teaching. I'm not saying that you should never get angry or never express yourself emotionally, I'm saying that anger a lot of times interferes with your message, and not just that, anger can also provoke violence, and anger can also be hurtful and traumatic to the receivers of your anger. So love is the way. But you must Learn the Way of Love, and that is done by educating yourself with the the best knowledge and skills that society has to offer. And that is what I'm working on.

"As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison." Nelson Mandela (wiki) - No one is Born Hating.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." Martin Luther King, Jr.(wiki)

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

In order to connect with people and to have healthy interactions, you have to learn to accept people for who they are. This is not saying that you should ignore someone's differences, it's just saying that you should not let other peoples differences get in the way of understanding them. You don't want to force people to change, or blame them for not changing, you just want to show people that changing, modifying or adjusting is not that difficult or complex, and that everyone goes through changes their whole life, with some of those changes improving life and other changes making things worse. 

People Smart

"I don't hate people who do horrible things, after all, you can't hate ignorant people, ignorant people don't know what ignorant is, there for we have to find more ways to communicate and educate each other."

"You only have to forgive once, which is a lot better then carrying around resentment and always reminding yourself of all the bad moments because then you will just waste a lot of time and energy feeling angry."

A great song about forgiveness is from Christina Aguilera called "Hurt" (youtube) 

"I don't forgive people because I'm weak, I forgive them because I am strong enough to know that people make mistakes."
Marilyn Monroe.

Hating - Hatred - Hate Speech

Hate is a deep and extreme emotional dislike. It can be directed against individuals, groups, entities, objects, behaviors, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger, disgust and a disposition towards hostility.

Hatred is a deep and emotional extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals, entities, objects, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and a moral perversion towards hostility.

Misanthropy is the general hatred, dislike, distrust or contempt of the human species or human nature. A misanthrope or misanthropist is someone who holds such views or feelings.

Hate Speech is speech which attacks a person or a group on the basis of attributes such as gender, ethnic origin, religion, race, disability, or sexual orientation.

Inciting Violence - Hate Crime - Blame Game - Clear and Present Danger - Imminent Lawless Action

Dividing People - Toxic Leadership - Prejudice - Freedom of Speech Abuses - Sedition - Bias

Demagogue is a rabble-rouser or a leader who gains popularity by exploiting emotions, prejudice, hatred, and ignorance to arouse the common people against elites, whipping up the passions of the crowd and shutting down reasoned deliberation. Demagogue is a political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular passions and the desires and prejudices of ordinary people, rather than by using rational argument. Cult of Personality.

Rabble-Rouser is a person who speaks with the intention of inflaming the emotions of a crowd of people, typically for political reasons. Extremist.

Haranguer is a public speaker who delivers a loud, forceful or angry speech. Harangue is a loud overblown declamation expressed or addressed forcefully with strong emotion.

The Twilight Zone - He's Alive (youtube) - He's Alive is episode four of the fourth season of The Twilight Zone. It tells of an American neo-Nazi who is visited by the ghost of Adolf Hitler. Vollmer is periodically visited by a shadowy figure who teaches him how to enthrall a crowd. The figure teaches Vollmer how to speak, and pays Vollmer's rent at the hall where he holds rallies. He also instructs Vollmer to arrange the death of one of his followers, Nick, thereby creating a martyr to rally everyone around (a reference to the 1930 murder of Horst Wessel, a low-ranking officer in the Sturmabteilung). Following the figure's instructions and assistance, Vollmer becomes considerably more successful and his group's following grows. Ernst becomes fearful that Vollmer may actually succeed in igniting another Holocaust. He disrupts a rally, accusing Vollmer of being "nothing but a cheap copy" of the German Führer while Vollmer cowers before his surrogate father. (aired January 24, 1963).

Hate is an ignorant reaction that is created from a lack of knowledge and information about yourself and the world around you. Something that makes you feel uncomfortable or irritates you does not need to be hated. Hatred will not help you define what the problem is. Hating will only make things worse. If you don't like something, or if something is wrong or unjust, hating it will not solve the problem. Only problem solving solves problems. If you are the one who creates hate, then you can be the one who does not create hate. If hate starts with you, then hate can end with you. There is no point in being your own worst enemy.

Chinese for Affirmative Action is a community-based civil rights organization in San Francisco. Our mission is to protect Chinese Americans.

Stop AAPI  Hate. Our communities stand united against racism. Hate against Asian American Pacific Islander communities has risen during the COVID-19 pandemic. Advancing Justice AAJC.

Hate is a Virus is a nonprofit community of mobilizers and amplifiers that exists to dismantle racism and hate.

If people can hate other people for no reason, then people can love other people for no reason.

One of the main reasons why people hate other people, is that they have never learned how to love people or learned how to love themselves. Knowing how to love needs to be taught and learned. If you never learn how to love, you might unknowingly learn how to hate in order to fill the void that was created from never learning how to love. If you can't empathize, you can learn how to empathize. if you are a psychopath, you can learn how not to be a psychopath.

Your Own Worst Enemy is to cause most of your problems or most of the bad things that happen to you yourself, because of your own thoughts, ignorance, actions or character.

Dislike is to have a feeling of aversion or antipathy towards something or someone. An inclination to withhold approval from some person or group. Like is something enjoyable, agreeable or valuable. Something that is the same or similar kind.

Just because you don't like the taste of something, does that mean it's bad or harmful?

Resentment is a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will.

Rancor is a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will.

Antagonism is a state of deep-seated ill-will. An actively expressed feeling of dislike and hostility. The relation between opposing principles, forces or factors.

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. Similar to Regret, it differs in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself. It is a source of psychological stress. The study of disappointment—its causes, impact, and the degree to which individual decisions are motivated by a desire to avoid it.

Loathed is to find something repugnant or offensive to the mind.

Averse is having a strong dislike of or opposition to something or implies one has a distaste, disinclination, or aversion toward something . Something one might refer to as an adversity or adversary.

Resentment - Denial - Scape Goating (transferring problems) - Estrangement

So what is hate good for? Absolutely Nothing, say it again. We need to cease fire hate and take a break from hate.

Ceasefire is a suspension or the temporary stoppage of fighting or war, where each side agrees with the other to suspend aggressive actions, usually done with the purpose of giving people the time needed to negotiate for peace.

Truce is a state of peace agreed to between opponents so they can discuss peace terms.

"I don't feel bad that there are some people who hate my guts. I'm just glad that I am so fortunate to have guts that people can hate. My only wish is that someday they will have the guts to stop hating." Do you have the guts?

Revenge - Payback - Getting Even

Revenge is a harmful action against a person or group in response to a grievance, be it real or perceived. An action taken in return for an injury or offense and a form of primitive justice usually assumed to be enacted in the absence of the norms of formal law and jurisprudence. Revenge is used to right a wrong by going outside of the law. This is because the individual taking revenge feels as though the law will not do justice. Revenge is also known as payback, retribution, retaliation, or vengeance; it may be characterized as a form of justice but not to be confused with retributive justice, an altruistic action which enforces societal or moral justice aside from the legal system. Revenge is usually a waste of time because it can make things worse.

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right - You Can't Fight Ignorance with More Ignorance

Why is an Eye for an Eye Illogical? An Eye for an Eye leaves everyone blind.

Vengeance is the act of taking revenge and harming someone in retaliation for something harmful that they have done.

Retaliation is the action taken in return for an injury or offense. Provoked - Criticized.

Vigilante is a civilian or organization acting in a law enforcement capacity or in the pursuit of self-perceived justice without legal authority.

Vindictive is the willingness to seek revenge or intended for revenge. Showing malicious ill will and a desire to hurt; motivated by spite. Action taken in return for an injury or offense. Take revenge for a perceived wrong. Retaliate. Make a counterattack and return like for like, especially evil for evil.

Vendetta is a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's. A prolonged bitter quarrel with or campaign against someone. A feud in which members of the opposing parties murder each other.

Payback is to take vengeance on or to get even with someone.

Get Even is to compensate or make the score equal. To take revenge or even out a score.

Tit for Tat is the infliction of an injury or insult in return for one that one has suffered. Equivalent retaliation to subsequently replicate an opponent's previous action. If the opponent previously was cooperative, the agent is cooperative. If not, the agent is not.

To give someone a Taste of their Own Medicine means that someone should have the same unpleasant experience that they themselves have given to someone else, so as to show them how bad it is.

Spite is feeling a need to see others suffer.

Hostility is losing control of yourself and reality, but if you have not yet learned what reality is, or learned how to control yourself, then you and others will continue to be victims of ignorance. Working together is a lot more productive with less crime, waste and corruption.

Hostility is seen as form of emotionally charged aggressive behavior. In everyday speech it is more commonly used as a synonym for anger and aggression.

Wrath is intense anger intense anger and belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong.

Crimes - Violence - Terrorism - Death Penalty - Sextortion - Revenge Porn

To give someone a taste of their own medicine is to do the same bad thing to someone that they have often done to you, in order to show them how unpleasant it is. Except that two wrongs don't make a right. Giving someone a taste of their own medicine is a type of revenge. But sometimes making people feel the pain that they caused is a form of learning. But we know now that punishment is illogical and ineffective. Solving problems is about learning, not hurting.

Hurt is to be the source of pain. The act of damaging something or someone. Cause damage or affect negatively. Cause emotional anguish or make miserable. Hurt the feelings of. Any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc.. Psychological suffering. Feelings of mental or physical pain.

Cutting off the Nose to Spite the Face is an expression to describe a needlessly self-destructive over-reaction to a problem: "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face" is a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one's anger.

Morals - Know Thyself - Reasoning - Anger Management - Jealousy

Don't Get Mad, Get Even means that instead of wasting time and energy getting angry or seeking revenge, you should even the score by seeking justice and a seek a remedy that stops the abuse from repeating and also protects other people from being victims of this type of abuse. Just stopping one person is not enough, you have to stop other people from repeating this type of abuse. This sometimes means changing a law or informing the public.

What Goes Around Comes Around means that when someone treats other people badly, he or she will eventually be treated badly by someone else. You reap what you sow.

Poetic Justice is a justly deserved penalty for one's actions. An outcome in which vice is punished and virtue rewarded, usually in a manner peculiarly or ironically appropriate. The difference between what might be expected and what actually occurs.

Karma is when the intent and actions of an individual cause or influence the future of that individual. Good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and bad rebirths. Karma the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect). Good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness, while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering.


Hoobastank - The Reason (youtube - Released in April 2004)
I'm not a perfect person, There's many thing I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you.
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know,
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new, And the reason is you.
I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday,
And all the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all away,
And be the one who catches all your tears, That's why I need you to hear,
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new, And the reason is you,
And the reason is you, And the reason is you, And the reason is you.
I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you.
And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know,
I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new, And the reason is you,
I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know,
A reason for all that I do, And the reason is you.


What's Going On - Marvin Gaye (youtube - Released May 21, 1971)
Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today, yeah
Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today
Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
Oh, what's going on (What's going on)
What's going on (What's going on)
What's going on (What's going on)
What's going on (What's going on)
Right on, baby
Right on, baby
Right on
Mother, mother
Everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply 'cause our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Come on talk to me
So you can see
What's going on (What's going on)
Yeah, what's going on (What's going on)
Tell me what's going on (What's going on)
I'll tell you, what's going on (What's going on)
Right on, baby, right on
Right on, baby
Right on, baby, right on.